Our 30th anniversary didn't turn out the way we planned. Kind of like our thirty-year marriage. We had to cancel the trip we've been dreaming about and settle for our ordinary life instead. As I watched you play basketball with our sons in the driveway last night, ending our day-long anniversary celebration, I realized our ordinary life hasn't been ordinary at all. It's been miraculous. While writing you this letter, I looked up the symbol for a 30th anniversary, it's the pearl, though I doubt you care. You've never been good at getting me presents. Gifts to you are like sand in an oyster's shell. They irritate you. The oyster spends years wrapping a speck of sand until a pearl develops. The way our marriage has developed. From standing before a man dressed like Elvis at Chapel of the Bells in Reno on a Tuesday night, to three decades later, you playing basketball with our boys in the driveway. We really should be empty-nesters by now. Our first three kids are grown and have Continue Reading

In the middle of a big storm, our young nectarines bloomed. I walked out into the orchard because I couldn't believe my eyes. "What are you doing?" I asked the confused little trees. "The weather is terrible. Why are you opening your blossoms?" I know it's weird to talk to trees, but Jesus spoke to a fig tree in the Bible so I figure if Jesus spoke to trees, I can too. I was alarmed that our nectarines were blooming in the middle of hail, rain, and wild winds. Of course, the trees didn't talk back to me, but a thought whispered through my mind there in the orchard... they are blooming because it's time for them to bloom. What does this mean? I wondered. I sensed God trying to teach me something, but I really didn't know what it was. In the past several months, one storm after another has rolled through my life. Sharing my burdens with you helps me not feel alone. Hashing out trials and tribulations here on my blog has been such a gift. And many of you hash back. You message Continue Reading

I know some of you are wondering when my new book: Farming Grace will hit Amazon. The truth is, I don't know. We were all set to release it this month when an email landed in my inbox that completely surprised me. A year ago, I queried my dream literary agent. After a little back and forth, she said she wanted to represent me. Meaning she would try to sell Farming Grace to a traditional publishing house. At the time, I was frantically trying to finish Chasing the Wind. We'd set up a preorder on the novel and more readers than I expected had forked over their hard-earned cash before it was done. Note to self: don't ever sell a book you haven't completed. I know traditional publishers do this all the time, but for me it was way too stressful. I'm still in the thick of raising four boys. And I've recently become a grandma to our older kids' babies. Plus we really do farm. I have a lot of commitments outside of being an author. In the midst of the madness of trying Continue Reading

Yesterday, I was shopping at American Eagle Outfitters. A tan, flannel shirt in the men's section caught my eye. I walked over and felt the fabric. When I touched the shirtsleeve, a memory hit me that came like a bird landing on my shoulder. Not a good bird. At least not at first. When I was naked, he clothed me. Okay, I wasn't completely naked, but I felt naked as I remembered that night years ago. This memory isn't about sex. It's about shame. And it descended upon me in the mall like a crow or a dove, I can't decide which kind of bird it was. Maybe it came as an eagle. Maybe remembering will give me stronger wings. When I was younger, I tried to laugh off or quickly bury these painful memories that came unexpectedly, but I've learned they have shaped me, so I pay attention now. I was eighteen years old, just months out of high school. Scott turned twenty that October. We were at Yuba College for different reasons. Scott was there to play football and get his grades Continue Reading

I'm starting the new year with four funerals. Four good dads. Four beloved husbands. Men dearly loved by their family and friends. None of these deaths were connected and yet I know at each funeral I will probably see people from the last funeral. My heart has been so heavy stepping into 2019. One of these men was only a couple of years older than my daughter, Cami. I will never forget the day I shared a Bible verse with this boy. It was at his high school and he looked so surprised but responded so sweetly. Michael was an amazing kid. I just can't believe he's gone. Sometimes people ask me why I always bring up Jesus. I get this. I remember back when people like me got on my nerves or just plain made me really uncomfortable talking about their faith or their Bible or their church. I got away from these people as fast as I could. I didn't want to go to their church or open a Bible. I didn't want to think about God. I just wanted to live my life and have fun. I did that until Continue Reading